Making Changes

Things I have to be proud of:

I’ve jumped through a lot of hoops in the past month(s) to feel the way I do today. I have never been more proud of myself for treating myself right- Filling my body with healthy food, lots of water and vitamins. Cutting out drinking (almost completely), not eating meat (also almost completely)… Making the right choices for myself – walking, reading, trying to be independent and voicing how I feel about things.

Last night I went through a really rough conversation and a lot of things were said to me, none of which were true.  I went out of my way to get dumped again.  Put way to much energy into something that for sure was going to flop. Now is not the time and I and I am too hopeful of a person.  However, my head is clear now and I know where I stand. I Said everything I wanted to, and he knows exactly how I feel. It is he who has all the problems, doesn’t know what he wants and is concentrating on only negative things in his and denying anything good that could be a part of him.  He is truly a stubborn Bull (Taurus).  I put my all into this relationship and the supposed second chance that was going to take place recently, didn’t really happen at all.  I am going to let life roll on for now and I can only feel good because I put myself completely out there. Voiced exactly everything I feel and want from him if we are ever to be together.

Fuck. Relationships are so taxing on everything.  I was super depressed for the most of yesterday…and hopefully that’s all the time I needed to feel that way.  It sucks being a single woman in her mid-twenties.  This is the time when our bodies are telling us to FIND A MATE! Quick!!! This is the reason we become so attached to men who have good potential to be something substantial to us.  I can’t help the way I feel. I can’t take it away or change it.  I do not want to try to meet anybody. I am sick of wasting my time on losers.  I wouldn’t mind dating Yoshi….my crush from work, firefighter/hottie. So that is a positive.

 I have to RESET my goals because I have accomplished many of them. See below:

1.) I am moving out of San Ramon.  This is huge. I was not happy living here and needed to do something independent of my parents. I found a posting on craigslist and it ended up being our ideal apartment. In Oakland. Totally affordable and I am paying for it by myself.

2.) I made a goal to lose 10 pounds. and I lost 6. I think the rest will continue to fall off. I weighed myself this morning and am 134 pounds, I don’t ever remember seeing that number on a scale.  It is thanks to the changes I have made in my diet. Healthy lunch at work, apples, and almonds. No Meat, no fast food, no sweets. Lots of Tea, Coffee (!) and water.

3.) I have a “perminent” position in my “temp” job.  I am thinking about asking about becoming a full time employee.  It wouldn’t hurt. I am loving my job…the work I get to do.. my desk… the people who I work with… Sure it isn’t my life’s passion to be a secretary but it feels great to be helping others and for them to be so greatful for what I am doing for them.  I am basically in charge of keeping paramedics and EMTS up-to-date in everything they need in order to work.  I get to be somewhat creative at work. And I get paid for it.  I feel that I can use my creativity and other passions like art, music and writing in my hobbies, outside of work.  So I can still pursue everything I want to do.

I can’t wait to start biking to work Dec. 1st.

Posting a Survey

1.      Where is your brother right now? Somerville, MA.

2. Last place you kissed someone? In the parking lot of my apartment complex against his car.
3. What is your sister’s name?
Do not have a sis.

4. Last person you text messaged?
Dylan Leonard Brown

5. What kind of phone do you have?
a pay by phone from wallymart. Cingular.

8. What are you listening to?Kelly Roland featuring Snoop “Ghetto”.. it kinda suxxx
 
10. Hair color?
 Brown

11. Have you ever done a Chinese fire drill?Yes

12. What color is your bedroom floor/carpet?White. and white.

13. Do you have a chair in your room?Yes a big computer chair that takes up half the room

14. What are you doing tomorrow?Laying by the pool, tanning, writing articles for the zine, doing yoga probably, swimming, emailing.

18. Do you get along with your parents? Yea
 

19. Any pets?
A doggie dog.

20. Favorite band?
Green Day. The Strokes.

21. Are you married/engaged?
No

24. Do you play an instrument?
 The Trumpet. Holla. Im hoping to learn guitar next.

26. Are you allergic to anything?Hell yea, all skin allegies: Wool, Cheap Fragranced Shit, Pink Soap in public bathrooms.

32. Do you miss someone?
 my friends from Boston/Amesbury

33. Do you think anyone misses you?
I think they miss me.

34. How many credit cards do you have?
one

35. Have you ever wanted to be a teacher?
 Yes, thought about it for a minute there.

37. What’s your favorite color?
GREEN. BLUE. PURPLE

38. Is anyone jealous of you?
 I doubt it. Haha maybe some people cuz I live in the Golden State

39. Ever been stuck in an elevator?
No.. knock on wood

40. What does your mom call you?
Beck.

42. What does you hair look like right now?
 Like I just got out of the pool, swam laps and threw it up in a giant wet ball on top of my head

45. What have you eaten today?
IN N OUT BURGER- grilled cheese w/ everything, fries an Arnold Palmer. I also had some yogurt and strawberries for b-fast

46. Is your hair naturally curly or straight?
 Strizzzaight

48. Who was the last person you drove with?
Brittany

49. What are you looking forward to?
 Hmm.. meeting up with this kid Alex on Thursday. And also Jenn’s Bday party this weekend

50. What’s your biggest pet peeve?
 When people flake out.

51. Do you have any tattoos?
Nope

52. What’s your favorite drink?WATER with Ice
 

53. Any piercings?
 my clit ……………………

54. What do you want to be?FREEEEEEEEE

1. 
   55. Obsessions?
   In N Out Burger. Going there and eating.. mmm.. Also, the song “Last Night” by Diddy and Keyshia

   TEN THINGS ABOUT YOU:

   1. Are you in a relationship?
   No

   2. Are you happy?
   Right now, yeah

   3. Are you bored?
   Not really

   4. Are you sad?
   No

   5. Are you German?
   a wee bit

   6. Are you French?
   a wee bit

   7. Are you Asian?
   no but I date them

   8. Are you Mexican?
   no. I eat a lot of Mexican food, enough to make me one potentially

   9. Are you African American?
   at heart, yes

   FACTS:

   1. Hometown: the Bury
   2. Hair color: ALREADY ANSWERED AND ITS BROWN
   3. Height:  Five Four
   5. Eye color: GREEN As the Cannibus I smoke
   6. Birthday: October 9^th 1983
   7. Mood: Chill
   8. Person you love: ALEE I MISS HER
   9. Lefty: Righty
   10. Best friend: Brittany Flynn

   TEN THINGS ABOUT YOUR LOVE LIFE:

   1. Have you ever been in love?
   YES and everytime it was absolutely great while it lasted

   2. Do you believe in love at first sight?
   Yeah kinda

   3. Why did your last relationship fail?
    Because he never called me when he returned from his cruise this summer and it was really disrespectful.

   4. Have you ever been heartbroken?

Yeah that probably did it, up there. And it happened a bunch of other times too. I hate men!

5. Have you ever broken someone’s heart?

Yea but it wasn’t my fault

6. Have you ever liked someone but never told them?
 Yeah Definitely

7. Have you ever thought you were going to marry someone you dated?
Yeah

8. Have you ever had a secret admirer?
I think so

TEN THIS OR THAT’S:

1. Love or lust? LOVE
2. Hard liquor or beer?  BEER
3. Cats or dogs? DOGs
4: A few best friends or many regular friends? Few BESTIES
5. Television or internet? INTERNET.. lol
6. Pepsi or coke ? diet COKE
7. Wild night out or romantic night in? mm I like BOTH.
8. Black or white? Black
9. Night or day? DAY
10. AIM or phone? PHONE

not quite TEN BASICS:

1. Zodiac sign: Libra
2. Sex: Lady
3. Elementary school: Cashman School is fun
7. Middle school: AMS
8. High school: AHS. Go Indians!
9. Do you like your life?  I rule. Right now it’s AIGHT
10. Are you a happy person? Yes. I’d do something about it if I wasn’t.