Ch-Ch-Ch Changes

Good Morning,

It is Friday – Well the week has been fun for me. I began training someone who is taking over my position at work.  It is ok. I’ve been telling people I’m being promoted, which I hope will actually happen.  I no longer am tied to the front desk and phone- so I can run around the training grounds now.

I’ve been eating lunch with Academy 41 which was fun earlier this week, but I do not want to go there today- I am sick of “the chase” bc I have been exchanging glances, light conversation and getting rides home from one recruit in particular. I made him brownies today and am including a note with my phone number on it. If he doesn’t have the idea already that I am interested, he will now.   He is getting the brownies because he did me a rather big favor of digging up a bunch of his binders from training and let me borrow them to make copies.  I am a little nervous to give him the brownies, but there it is simply a thank you gesture and I have my choices are limited in how I want him to know I want to go out with him.

I have butterflies in my stomach.. .gaah I am nervous!!! Gee What Happened, I thought I was chill.

Gah!!

Yoshi…Inchin to reach my Goal.

Thank you Jeanne! My co-worker, who coincidentally is going thru the same shit I am….being dumped by a commitment-aphobic dude…got talkin to me last week.  She wants to set me up with a FireFighter(!)! and more importantly the one I have a mega super crush on… She had an update for me today and that is that he has that “paramedic attitude going on” and she wasn’t too pleased with that!! She is going to find out more though…yahooo ! Hope he aint a jerk. but ahh…. there’s a county full of firefighters that I can choose from!

WHO DATES FIREFIGHTERS?! HAHA I Guess EMS Secretaries do

My job is really treating me well right now.  Today was the 30 yr. anniversary of EMS in CCCounty.  I won the first Raffle – A double mug set from Starbeezy’s with coffee, tea and cocoa. Iddn’t that Nice. I also won a “Reach” hat as in the helicopter company.

I stopped by Berkeley yesterday and picked up the new:

• KEYSHIA COLE cd “Just Like You”
• JAY-Z (Jigga Man) cd. “American Gangster”
• also 5 new pairs of panties from a cute lil underwear store off of Telegraph.
  How Fun!!! My future FF bf will love them….

How ya like that for Optimism?!???

Making Changes

Things I have to be proud of:

I’ve jumped through a lot of hoops in the past month(s) to feel the way I do today. I have never been more proud of myself for treating myself right- Filling my body with healthy food, lots of water and vitamins. Cutting out drinking (almost completely), not eating meat (also almost completely)… Making the right choices for myself – walking, reading, trying to be independent and voicing how I feel about things.

Last night I went through a really rough conversation and a lot of things were said to me, none of which were true.  I went out of my way to get dumped again.  Put way to much energy into something that for sure was going to flop. Now is not the time and I and I am too hopeful of a person.  However, my head is clear now and I know where I stand. I Said everything I wanted to, and he knows exactly how I feel. It is he who has all the problems, doesn’t know what he wants and is concentrating on only negative things in his and denying anything good that could be a part of him.  He is truly a stubborn Bull (Taurus).  I put my all into this relationship and the supposed second chance that was going to take place recently, didn’t really happen at all.  I am going to let life roll on for now and I can only feel good because I put myself completely out there. Voiced exactly everything I feel and want from him if we are ever to be together.

Fuck. Relationships are so taxing on everything.  I was super depressed for the most of yesterday…and hopefully that’s all the time I needed to feel that way.  It sucks being a single woman in her mid-twenties.  This is the time when our bodies are telling us to FIND A MATE! Quick!!! This is the reason we become so attached to men who have good potential to be something substantial to us.  I can’t help the way I feel. I can’t take it away or change it.  I do not want to try to meet anybody. I am sick of wasting my time on losers.  I wouldn’t mind dating Yoshi….my crush from work, firefighter/hottie. So that is a positive.

 I have to RESET my goals because I have accomplished many of them. See below:

1.) I am moving out of San Ramon.  This is huge. I was not happy living here and needed to do something independent of my parents. I found a posting on craigslist and it ended up being our ideal apartment. In Oakland. Totally affordable and I am paying for it by myself.

2.) I made a goal to lose 10 pounds. and I lost 6. I think the rest will continue to fall off. I weighed myself this morning and am 134 pounds, I don’t ever remember seeing that number on a scale.  It is thanks to the changes I have made in my diet. Healthy lunch at work, apples, and almonds. No Meat, no fast food, no sweets. Lots of Tea, Coffee (!) and water.

3.) I have a “perminent” position in my “temp” job.  I am thinking about asking about becoming a full time employee.  It wouldn’t hurt. I am loving my job…the work I get to do.. my desk… the people who I work with… Sure it isn’t my life’s passion to be a secretary but it feels great to be helping others and for them to be so greatful for what I am doing for them.  I am basically in charge of keeping paramedics and EMTS up-to-date in everything they need in order to work.  I get to be somewhat creative at work. And I get paid for it.  I feel that I can use my creativity and other passions like art, music and writing in my hobbies, outside of work.  So I can still pursue everything I want to do.

I can’t wait to start biking to work Dec. 1st.