Karaoke Bar

Thinking about turning over a new leaf…

I need to start doing things for myself, instead of others. 

Today I’ve hit a low point and I am not happy.  I’m not trying to be negative, but I realized today that I am not doing anything that puts me somewhere that I want to be. What I like and what makes me me is not happening right now.

First, I haven’t been to the beach since I’ve been here ONCE. I moved to California and I haven’t gone to the beach yet.  Maybe because I live so far away from it! It shouldn’t matter, I have a surfboard and I’m ready to go there- making plans for Saturday or Sunday. I have to go.

two, I am being way to idealistic about Matt.  He was gone all summer and now that he is back, he is being  a typical dude and not even calling me to just say HI! And he’s not returning my message. That just tells me, he cannot deal with his true feelings and can’t be man enough to talk to someone who once mattered so much.  It makes me sick to think of how attached I was to my phone this past month, because he said he’d call. He’s an asshole for everything.

My new goal is to meet someone (which normally can’t be planned anyway) who is more into things that I am about.  Like surfing . smokin weed. and is cute and not selfish.  Too bad I met that person but he lives in SoCAL. Bummers.

Third, I’m not going to meet guys at Oasis, or any such club bc I’m so sick of that game. Giving out a number,  maybe going on one date, and then realizing I am not into them AT ALL.  I also do not want to leave with anybody just because they will smoke me up, UNLESS they are actually cool and I like them.

Four. I am so unsettled here.  I don’t have a job, or one that I’m dreaming to get.  When I am in a full time position, it won’t be so bad, at least I’ll meet new people and have money coming in. I’m sick of sitting at home all day.  I like when I’m productive and do good stuff like get shit done, then maybe tan and go swimming or biking.  That’s nice.  I feel like I am only in this area because other people are.  My parents, my friends.  They are all doing their thing and yeah they are happy that I’m here…. I want to be living on PB again, just starting up there. I never get bored, the beach is right there (And I can survive there w/o much money) . I’m always entertained. I go surfing every day, I’m tan, I’m in shape.  There’s plenty of herb there.  It’s easy to meet people.  It’s not a commercialized plaza land like San Ramon.  Yea, SF is cool. I like Berkeley, but I am there maybe once a week.  I Live here….and my day to day is very dull. Brittany is here. we are in the same boat. It’s all good! There is so much potential for things to get better, but right now everything is at its worst.   Again, not trying to be negative, but I’m just realizing this is not what I want to be doing. My life is boring. I need more excitement.