Making Changes

Things I have to be proud of:

I’ve jumped through a lot of hoops in the past month(s) to feel the way I do today. I have never been more proud of myself for treating myself right- Filling my body with healthy food, lots of water and vitamins. Cutting out drinking (almost completely), not eating meat (also almost completely)… Making the right choices for myself – walking, reading, trying to be independent and voicing how I feel about things.

Last night I went through a really rough conversation and a lot of things were said to me, none of which were true.  I went out of my way to get dumped again.  Put way to much energy into something that for sure was going to flop. Now is not the time and I and I am too hopeful of a person.  However, my head is clear now and I know where I stand. I Said everything I wanted to, and he knows exactly how I feel. It is he who has all the problems, doesn’t know what he wants and is concentrating on only negative things in his and denying anything good that could be a part of him.  He is truly a stubborn Bull (Taurus).  I put my all into this relationship and the supposed second chance that was going to take place recently, didn’t really happen at all.  I am going to let life roll on for now and I can only feel good because I put myself completely out there. Voiced exactly everything I feel and want from him if we are ever to be together.

Fuck. Relationships are so taxing on everything.  I was super depressed for the most of yesterday…and hopefully that’s all the time I needed to feel that way.  It sucks being a single woman in her mid-twenties.  This is the time when our bodies are telling us to FIND A MATE! Quick!!! This is the reason we become so attached to men who have good potential to be something substantial to us.  I can’t help the way I feel. I can’t take it away or change it.  I do not want to try to meet anybody. I am sick of wasting my time on losers.  I wouldn’t mind dating Yoshi….my crush from work, firefighter/hottie. So that is a positive.

 I have to RESET my goals because I have accomplished many of them. See below:

1.) I am moving out of San Ramon.  This is huge. I was not happy living here and needed to do something independent of my parents. I found a posting on craigslist and it ended up being our ideal apartment. In Oakland. Totally affordable and I am paying for it by myself.

2.) I made a goal to lose 10 pounds. and I lost 6. I think the rest will continue to fall off. I weighed myself this morning and am 134 pounds, I don’t ever remember seeing that number on a scale.  It is thanks to the changes I have made in my diet. Healthy lunch at work, apples, and almonds. No Meat, no fast food, no sweets. Lots of Tea, Coffee (!) and water.

3.) I have a “perminent” position in my “temp” job.  I am thinking about asking about becoming a full time employee.  It wouldn’t hurt. I am loving my job…the work I get to do.. my desk… the people who I work with… Sure it isn’t my life’s passion to be a secretary but it feels great to be helping others and for them to be so greatful for what I am doing for them.  I am basically in charge of keeping paramedics and EMTS up-to-date in everything they need in order to work.  I get to be somewhat creative at work. And I get paid for it.  I feel that I can use my creativity and other passions like art, music and writing in my hobbies, outside of work.  So I can still pursue everything I want to do.

I can’t wait to start biking to work Dec. 1st.

It’s Like That

Here’s what’s new.

 1. I’m temping at a Fire Station Training Center where firemen learn their skills. I’m working at the front desk for 3 weeks. So far, so good

2.) I got my first check for $51 dollars, for a 4 hour shift tabulating taste test surveys for Roundtable Pizza

3.) I met someone worthwhile from Craigslist and we have gone out on these dates:

*Drinking and pool at Thalassa in Berkeley-then off to an unnamed Korean bar in Oakland-then off to an Asian Frat for the weed and to watch them do coke out of a vacuum that looked like a Monopoly piece

*Indian Dinner with 2 of my ladies, then more drinking @ Crogan’s

*Cal football game, Sushi dinner and Crabbing off of a pier under the GG Bridge (NIICE!)

He’s getting a better review as days go on, although he’s an Earth sign, which kinda sucks for me.

4.) I’m getting random texts from “Aron”, the mistake I made was calling this number (CL) and now I’m getting things like “I want to snuggle” in my inbox

5.) Ken has been making a ridiculous amont of party plans.. He is a house DJ, and I already RSVPed to the “Beer, Bud and BBQ Under the Sun” party at Golden Gate Park this Sunday.  He won’t stop promoting his dj nights and it’s getting hella old.

6.) Brittany turned 24 on Saturday.. I turn 24 in a few weeks

7.) Went out for Jenn’s bday- to Jillian’s in a Limo. We had a VIP Table and a bottle of Patron! PIMP

8.) I’m FINALLY Going on a Surf trip, THIS SATURDAY……Santa Cruz baby. I’m Stizzoked. Melissa, Jenn , Me and whatever other stragglers decide to show up

9.) I LOVE SLEEPING

10.) GrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrRRRRRRRRRRRR