Ghiradelli Caramels are the Shit!

It’s FRIDAY. and I’m at work doing everything to distract myself. I’ve eaten at least 4 or 5 Ghiradelli chocolate squares and I am obsessed with the caramel ones. omgosssshhh!!

I am trying to get stuff done but it is hard bc I am the only one here. I have so much to do and so little of it do I actually want to do. like sending out Discrepancy Report emails, refilling a Narc which I do not mind but nobody is here to verify for me. calling the IT Guys who are ignorning all of my requests for WebSite Updates.

Making Changes

Things I have to be proud of:

I’ve jumped through a lot of hoops in the past month(s) to feel the way I do today. I have never been more proud of myself for treating myself right- Filling my body with healthy food, lots of water and vitamins. Cutting out drinking (almost completely), not eating meat (also almost completely)… Making the right choices for myself – walking, reading, trying to be independent and voicing how I feel about things.

Last night I went through a really rough conversation and a lot of things were said to me, none of which were true.  I went out of my way to get dumped again.  Put way to much energy into something that for sure was going to flop. Now is not the time and I and I am too hopeful of a person.  However, my head is clear now and I know where I stand. I Said everything I wanted to, and he knows exactly how I feel. It is he who has all the problems, doesn’t know what he wants and is concentrating on only negative things in his and denying anything good that could be a part of him.  He is truly a stubborn Bull (Taurus).  I put my all into this relationship and the supposed second chance that was going to take place recently, didn’t really happen at all.  I am going to let life roll on for now and I can only feel good because I put myself completely out there. Voiced exactly everything I feel and want from him if we are ever to be together.

Fuck. Relationships are so taxing on everything.  I was super depressed for the most of yesterday…and hopefully that’s all the time I needed to feel that way.  It sucks being a single woman in her mid-twenties.  This is the time when our bodies are telling us to FIND A MATE! Quick!!! This is the reason we become so attached to men who have good potential to be something substantial to us.  I can’t help the way I feel. I can’t take it away or change it.  I do not want to try to meet anybody. I am sick of wasting my time on losers.  I wouldn’t mind dating Yoshi….my crush from work, firefighter/hottie. So that is a positive.

 I have to RESET my goals because I have accomplished many of them. See below:

1.) I am moving out of San Ramon.  This is huge. I was not happy living here and needed to do something independent of my parents. I found a posting on craigslist and it ended up being our ideal apartment. In Oakland. Totally affordable and I am paying for it by myself.

2.) I made a goal to lose 10 pounds. and I lost 6. I think the rest will continue to fall off. I weighed myself this morning and am 134 pounds, I don’t ever remember seeing that number on a scale.  It is thanks to the changes I have made in my diet. Healthy lunch at work, apples, and almonds. No Meat, no fast food, no sweets. Lots of Tea, Coffee (!) and water.

3.) I have a “perminent” position in my “temp” job.  I am thinking about asking about becoming a full time employee.  It wouldn’t hurt. I am loving my job…the work I get to do.. my desk… the people who I work with… Sure it isn’t my life’s passion to be a secretary but it feels great to be helping others and for them to be so greatful for what I am doing for them.  I am basically in charge of keeping paramedics and EMTS up-to-date in everything they need in order to work.  I get to be somewhat creative at work. And I get paid for it.  I feel that I can use my creativity and other passions like art, music and writing in my hobbies, outside of work.  So I can still pursue everything I want to do.

I can’t wait to start biking to work Dec. 1st.